What's the point?
My resignation from social media
I’ve been toying around with the idea of quitting social media for a few years now. If I’m being really honest, I’ve bounced back and forth between quitting for good and wanting to turn it into a side hustle. That’s what everyone’s doing these days, right?
As a new mom with significant NICU/medial debt I certainly could use the extra income. Plus, social media allows me to stay connected to everyone. And everything. How will I know what is going on in the world if I leave and what will I miss? How will my “community” know what’s going on in my life? How will I be relevant? And most importantly, I will lose access to my meticulously organized recipe folders on TikTok (seriously, I have found some of the BEST recipes on TikTok).
These are the thoughts, questions, and doubts that consumed me in the final months before I decided to resign from social media altogether. One question standing out among all the rest:
What’s the point?
This question plagued me. It still does. It haunts me because I can’t come up with a good answer. Sure, I could come up with a dozen or so reasons why I wanted (or, more honestly, felt like I needed) to stay. There might even been a little bit of truth in each of those reasons but at the end of the day, none of them were enough.
I certainly don’t have all the answers and I’m not so sure I won’t find myself rejoining the ranks one day in the future but, for now, I’ve decided to leave.
And, in case the tug of these questions feels familiar to you, I’m sharing an inside look into how I wrestled with them and ended up at this decision.
Social media allows me to stay connected to everyone. And everything.
Am I really connected? Do I feel connected or do I just feel informed? Is this the kind of connection I want? It feels shallow and superficial. Do I need to be connected to everyone and everything? Is that even good for me? Is it too much? I think it’s partly why I feel constantly tired and burned out. Actually, I think the constant connectivity is draining my real life relationships, too. Is it worth it?
How will I know what is going on in the world if I leave and what will I miss?
Is social media even a good place to find out what’s really happening? It feels more like a place for everyone’s very loud commentary instead. I do want to be informed about world events but is there a less harmful way to keep up with what’s happening? What am I really scared to miss out on and does it even matter? How much should I care about what Taylor Swift wore to the last Chiefs game or the latest TikTok trend? Are these the events I don’t want to or feel like I can’t miss? Why do I feel that way?
How will my “community” know what’s going on in my life?
If what I’m experiencing on social media is mainly shallow and superficial, is this really my community? Also, if this is my community (at least part of it) aren’t there other, better ways to stay connected? Could leaving actually strengthen my relationships? I would be forced to call and text people. I’d be forced to think about them and ask how they’ve been and set up times to get together. And, I would actually have to go to these get togethers because it would keep us connected and that is important to me. I would be able to miss people instead of feeling like I already know everything going on in their life and vice versa. I think I’d look forward to seeing the people I care about the most. Who would I really miss if I left?
How will I be relevant?
Do I actually care about being relevant? I don’t feel very relevant even though I’m on social media. Being relevant doesn’t really feel like a life goal for me now that I think about it. Would I rather be relevant to a bunch of people I don’t know well or real to a few people who actually matter? Who gets to determine what is relevant anyway? Why does social media get to dictate what matters most or what we all think and talk about?
I will lose access to my meticulously organized recipe folders on TikTok.
C’mon…you can write down the few recipes you use the most before you leave and if you need to find anything, you can Google it. Quit being stupid.
Finally, and most importantly, what is the point?
What is the point of having constant access to information, people, and opinions all the time? Does it do anything good for me or my family? What’s the point of letting them have constant access to my life all the time? Is it just to keep up with some invisible status? Is it to pretend, for thousands, that I’m a good person with a good life instead of actually being a good person with a good life? Should I care so much if the world knows what coffee shop we visit or where we go on vacation? Is there something to be said for having a private thought and private life without the need to share it with the world? Why does everything have to be public for everyone? Or is it only the good stuff? Let’s be honest…am I using social media to feel validated, smart, worthy in some ways? That feels dangerous. Can I be a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, writer without social media?
Well, there ya have it, folks. A very transparent (and a little embarrassing) look into my brain. Of course, I also know that social media does have positive aspects. One of them being the ability to share your writing and work with thousands of people. This is something I’m still wrestling with as I write.
If you’ve made it this far, I’m curious: have you ever felt any of these things or asked yourself similar questions? If you have decided to stay on social media, why? If you’ve decided to resign, why? I’d love to hear from you!
Here are a few resources I’ve found that might be helpful if you want to dig deeper:
Jon Haidt’s Substack, Freya India’s Substack, & Ruth Gaskovski’s Substack
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Caused an Epidemic of Mental Illness
I have deactivated my Facebook probably more than 100 times over the past several years. It was hard when my job required me to post for them so I made fake accounts. I got off it for a good while after having my last baby but I returned so I wouldn’t have to share all those baby photos with so many people/texts. What really brought me back was when relatives died unexpectedly- I was so removed from social media I wasn’t even friends with the uncles and cousins that died. I wanted to see their photos and posts so bad. So I made a point to reconnect for families sake. But it’s a vicious cycle I don’t have to explain. I’m currently on a people fast. But I will pop on again when I want to share something big or check in. Helps to humble yourself not sharing all the time. Overall I’m way happier not having it. I miss things; bdays, events, invites and news. But owell, it deepens my in person relations and I’m a lot more productive.
Your #5 made me laugh out loud. These are all great observations & absolutely legitimate, not embarrassing.
I'm currently listening to The Anxious Generation. I've felt the weight of social media for a long time, but especially now with kids God has opened my eyes to the distraction it is so much more. Unfortunately, I'm not where I can just leave it as much of my small business- plant sales, writing, & reselling on Marketplace- depends on social media, but I am implementing things to help limit & cut down that sense of "addiction." I've put an automation in place on my phone to cut to grayscale an hour after sunset & it doesn't turn back on until later in the morning. Lack of color makes it less appealing. Other ideas- only access social media on a laptop instead of a phone, have a friend or spouse put a time limit on certain apps that requires them to put in a code if you want/need more time, do not allow social media apps to have push notifications, overnight do-no-disturb settings to prevent notifications, & using a "tower of power" or cell "locker" during meal/set family-times. All these have helped me decrease my phone/social media usage- grant it, I know I need to continue improving on this.